My Magician

My dear,

Sometimes,
I am not always that strong as you thought.
I am not that determined as you expected.
In fact, I struggle
all the time.

I have doubts.
I get lost in this wonderland.
I question what I am doing and where I am heading.
I found myself in the middle of nowhere.
I don't know whether or not I should insist.
I hesitate.
I puzzle.
And I hate this.

Is this the process that I must go through?
I don't know.

There are plenty of things that I don't like.
And it's mostly about this society.
Carelessly, I step in a world that is full of ugliness and darkness.
Then I found it is a necessary evil.
Initially, I don't know how I can react when facing it.
Indeed, there was a moment, I feel like giving up all.
Though I tried hard to build it.
I want to abandon all my efforts just to get rid of this dirtiness.
I hope desperatately,
if this is the real side of adults and the world,
can I choose not to grow up yet?

Is it like Avantasia sings "How could I know that I'll get lost in space to roam forever?"

I really don't know.
I wonder if I should continue to depend on him.
I wonder if I should take all these for granted.

I think God throws us some light sometimes.
Especially when we are covered in darkness.

I went to the bookstore that day.
When I saw Paulo Coelho's book, Brida, I felt like I must own it.
I went home and read only the first two pages.
Then I saw this is stated,
"I have to trust him. If I believe that he can teach me magic, then I also have to believe that he can guide me through the forest." — Paulo Coelho from Brida

This is exactly what I need now.
I need faith.
I need to believe.
I need to learn how to trust him completely.

I believe he has magic.
Indeed he has magic and power.
More significantly,
he would like to help me.
He offers amazingly good care and assistance.
He supports me without reservation.

I feel guilty for having any doubts in his decisions.
I should never ever hesitate to move on.
I should be braver to ask.
I should open my heart to embrace whatever he assigns.

I will, thank you for all these.
Thank you for what you have done.

I believe you can teach me.
So I believe you can guide me.

There are too many questions and hesitations, but too few actions.

I will stay positive and optimistic.
Launch my motto: "Motivation, ambition and action!"

I believe that he can guide me through the forest...